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Horoscope

by Kerri French

  • This year, you will buy too many shoes and go into debt.
  • Be cautious in parking lots. Don’t panic when the house floods.
  • Do charge a plane ticket to Italy the night you drive home
  • from one too many poetry readings in tears. You can ask
  • the Irish boy you met in England to meet you, if you like—
  • but I’m telling you now, he won’t ever come. Dear Aquarius,
  • I am so sorry to report this. Your childhood cat already
  • has a brain tumor, and it is only a matter of months
  • before you find him running circles around the bedroom.
  • In the fall, the new moon will usher in change. Take a trip
  • to New Mexico and do nothing but eat avocado and sleep in.
  • Don’t be afraid to cut your hair the shortest it has ever been.
  • Remain optimistic above all else. Hang maps across the walls
  • and circle places you have yet to see. Beware a lonely coworker
  • who will follow you home each night, phone relentlessly when
  • you are out with friends. Be prepared: repairs to the house
  • may take months. Name a new kitten after your favorite poet.
  • The death of a friend’s father will inspire a move home.
  • As the New Year approaches, you will fight with a lover
  • and later drink too much at a party. Best wishes to you, Aquarius!
  • Anticipate falling into a tangle of branches on the walk alone.


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